It's been a LOOOOOONG few months since I told the Lord I would be willing to marry again if that's what He wanted for me. (No worries, nothing really happening on that front. This will not be a big announcement of anything!) I've spent a lot of time in prayer, time in tears, and time trying to figure out just want I am even looking for in that whole arena. My daughter would prefer I join a convent.
It's been so hard to make this list because, honestly, my man spoiled me. I am not sure any man could ever follow in his footsteps or live up to him. There's a good chance I'll be single forever. He was one of a kind.
He was a pursuer. Not just of me, but of anyone and anything he valued. If he spent time with you, talked with you, help you in any way, you were valuable to him. If it was important to learn, he would spend hundreds, even thousands, of hours learning whatever it was. When we met, I was a college senior and he was a college freshman. We knew each other for a whole semester before I ever saw him as anything more than just a baby freshman. But man, when he decided the Lord told him I was someone he was supposed to know, there was no ignoring him. We had almost daily Instant Messenger (yeah, most of you probably don't even know what that was) conversations that would last hours. We talked about everything and nothing at all. When I was worried, he reassured me. When I was acting a fool, he spoke truth to me. He showed up when I needed him, no matter the time of day. I felt like I was the only person on the planet when I was with him because he didn't seem to notice anyone else.
He was a gift giver. One of my biggest love languages is gifts. I love to give them and I love to receive them. He was the king of gift giving. I could mention something one time and he'd remember and I'd end up with it as a gift. He would see a need and just take care of it. He loved giving flowers (which I love receiving) and would often go to the cooler in the flower shop just to pick out the flowers himself. He always wanted to give the best and make it as personal as possible. He showed up every morning on my last week of college and delivered me a single rose as the start to my day. I melted! He loved me so well, even before we were married!
He was so thoughtful with words. My other big love language is words of affirmation. He was the king of that, too. He would browse the card aisle for hours to pick out the card with just the right wording. Then he would spend days writing a note on the inside to make sure it said just what he wanted to say. He would leave sweet notes in my car. In my wallet. On the dresser. Even on the computer. He always complained that he could never really be a songwriter because he could never put words to melodies. I beg to differ! One of these days I just may have someone take the cards and notes and wedding vows he wrote and make a song out of them. They are so beautiful. And so perfect. And sometimes, silly and cheesy! But always just what I needed. The kids never went to bed at night without him telling them two things: I love you and I am proud of you. I could not even begin to count the number of times he poured out his praise on me for the mom I was and the wife I was. He was always my biggest fan and truly felt there was nothing I couldn't do.Words meant so much to him, as they do me. It took him almost a year to say, "I love you" because it was a phrase he didn't want to use lightly. I thought I would die with the waiting for those words. Honestly, they were sweeter and meant so much more because he waited and used them well. And I know there were few others (perhaps only one) he ever said that to in a romantic way. It turns out, I am very glad he waited.
I have no idea if there will ever be another man, but I do know this; he has big shoes to fill. He'll need to be all those things listed above, and so much more. My man set the bar high and I refuse to settle for less than that.
It makes me grateful that I know, no matter whether another man enters our lives here on earth, I am loved most of the One who created me. The One who knit me together so perfectly, with each and every gift and quirk purposely placed. He will never leave or forsake me. He pursues me fiercely, ever day. He is the greatest gift giver I will ever know. His love letter to me is filled with words that soothe my soul and guide me through all of life's ups and downs. Father, teach me to be content in You, no matter the circumstance. Remind me that You are my true love and anything else is just extra grace and love from Your hand.
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