It probably comes as no surprise to most of you reading this that music speaks to me. Deeply. Moves me to tears. Makes me laugh and dance. Calls me to worship. Says what I so often want to say, but I just can't find the words.
As I approach the two year mark of Kevin's Perfect Healing Day (March 10), I see more and more clearly how the Lord has used the music of one band in particular in these hard days. Their music has echoed the cry of my heart, lifted my head to my Creator, and on many days, has been used by the Lord to turn my mourning into dancing. (Even in the car!)
Rend Collective, you have captured the last three years of my life so beautifully. You've been along for every hard card ride. You've provided the words for prayers when my voice just couldn't be found. You reminded me that I can be sad and grieving, yet still joyful, because my joy isn't found in my circumstances.
Back in April of 2015 I had just downloaded your Art of Celebration CD. I hadn't really listened to it all that much. The only song I really knew was My Lighthouse. That was pretty much the only song of yours I knew. Easter Sunday 2015 was a day like none other. My husband had overdosed on his pain medication just three days before and was now an hour and a half away at a rehab center. On our children's birthdays. As my family drove us to go meet him that Sunday, it was your album I put on as I plugged in my headphones and tried to figure out what in the world was happening to our lives.
I didn't really get any answers, but I did get comfort. Hope. Rest. And the words that my mouth couldn't voice. I rode in silence, tears streaming down my face, as I listened. "Jesus, my soul is fearless, for You are with us. Fighting for us. In the valley of shadows You are still with us, fighting for us..." "Oh, praise the One who fights for me, and shields my soul eternally..." "The pain will not define us. Joy will reignite us. You're the song, You're the song of our hearts. The dark is just a canvas, for Your grace and brightness. You're the song, You're the song of our hearts..."
Through all the ups and downs 2015 held, this CD was on repeat in our van. At one point, the kids and I had to leave Kevin and these songs kept me company on many long, unwanted, road trips until we could return home. Often, tears would fall as I listened, but always my heart was comforted and turned back to the One who created it and comforts it best.
When I found out you were releasing another album in the fall of 2015, I couldn't wait to get it. Again, it was a balm to my weary soul and almost every song was the cry of my heart! It was the only CD I listened to for months. When my husband died in March of 2016, it was this CD that was light in the darkness. We even used several of the songs from this album at his funeral. The kids and I would sing pretty much every song at the top of our lungs every time we were in the van! "Though the tears may fall my song will rise, my song will rise to You. Though my heart may fail, my song will rise, my song will rise to You. While there's breath in my lungs, I will praise You, Lord..." "I will never, ever, ever walk alone. You are with us, for us, always holding on. Though I wander, Your love goes further. You are my hope and future. I will never walk alone..." "I can see the Promised Land. Though there's pain within the plan. There is victory in the end. Your love is my battle cry. When my fears, like Jericho, build their walls around my soul. When my heart is overthrown, Your love is my battle cry. The anthem for all my life..."
Your Christmas music has brightened our fall and winter the last two years. I have no idea how many months your Campfire 2 album was on repeat. Now we can't stop listening to Good News. Weep With Me will be a favorite for as long as I can imagine! "I will wrestle with Your heart, but I won't let You go...Turn my lament into a love song. From this lament, raise up an anthem..."
I cannot wait until April 15 when my kids and I get to celebrate their birthdays at your concert in St. Louis. It is just what all of our hearts need in this season. The kids are excited, too. We cannot wait to hear your songs in person. We cannot wait to hear your stories, worship with you, ugly cry as you put our hearts on display. Thank you for writing music that is honest, worshipful, sorrowful, and joyful!
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