OK, so that has to be the dorkiest title, but I just couldn't think of anything. I feel like blogging, yet nothing is coming to mind! I have had a long week, but a productive one, nonetheless. Some awesome college friends are coming to spend the weekend with us, so I have been cleaning like crazy...but...of course...when I decided to clean, I also decided to rearrange several things in the house, so I really just ended up making a bigger mess than I had when I started cleaning.
I had all these grand plans when the week began...I had even divided up the house cleaning day by day so that I only had a few rooms to clean each day. I planned to take Sophie to the pool pretty much every afternoon, so I knew I had to work pretty hard in the mornings to get things done. Of course, having a plan doesn't mean that plan works or that I would stick to it! I was already off the plan by 9 a.m. on Monday. Boy, I sure didn't make it very far! I never did get back on that plan, either, but the house is looking good and I like the small little things I did to rearrange (and my husband has the ceiling in the basement halfway done, so that was just a bonus!). But, all this served as a reminder of something God was teaching/telling me during our Life Action revival. Now, I know this is really nothing all that earth shattering to most, but if you know me, you will know it was a huuuuge deal.
You see, somewhere along the way in my 30 years of living, I became a control freak. I don't really know how it happened...I don't remember being this way in high school, or even college, but I sure am now. I must have a list to follow and know what time it is at all times. Everything I do is dictated by a schedule and a clock...EVERYTHING! I cannot stand to be late, and because of that, am super early to everything! (Just ask Kevin, Jessica, Jana, and Jess!!!!) My day is planned out by looking at what time I have to be somewhere and planning the day backwards from there trying to be sure that I have time to get there 15-20 minutes early, just in case something goes wrong and I need more time. If I somehow get off the schedule, then I begin to look at the list and decide what it is that must be removed from the list in order still get where I need to be on time. Being even one minute late is NOT an option! Usually things put off the list are quiet time, eating, and showering. (I know, TMI). I am so controlled by the clock and my list, that my family is often made very miserable and is ignored in order to do those things on the list.
You see, the list and the clock become my priority, not my family. I have an obsession to get all of that accomplished at the cost of my family. This is part of the reason why God led me to quit my part time job last fall. I put more effort and time into that job than I did my family, which is never right. But, even that didn't really open my eyes to this problem. It wasn't until one morning that I was so mad that Kevin wasn't in the car and ready to go because he had taken one minute to eat a bowl of cereal that I realized I had a problem. What a silly thing to be mad about when I had planned extra time in our morning schedule anyway! We wouldn't be late, just not there when I had decided would be best to be there! Wow! I have issues! Anyway, I am really working on this...trying to be much more flexible and not so governed by the clock that I miss out on all God has for me...after all, I am not the one in control...the clock is not in control...but God is. Living by the clock as I had been doing was really my way of saying that I didn't believe God had it all in the first place. Keep praying for me in this area...it is not easy for me to walk away from things or not to follow my list and my clock...but I know that's what I need to work on and am doing so. Hope this wasn't too long or boring for those of you reading! May God bless your day!
Well I do know where you get the having to be early part. I know that you remember your dad's saying and that you stick to it. And that late is not acceptable, so to some degree you can blame your dad for that. Having a schedule is good but as you say letting it control you is not the way or the reason to have a schedule. You are a great mom and wife and I am glad that you are able to stay home and take care of all of those things. I love you and your family very much and do miss not getting to be in your everyday life but I know that that is also in God's plan as He has you where you are to be and serving in the capacity that He has you.
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh.....are we the same person???? I've been seeing this in my life also. Just the other day, I was driving out and about to do some errands. I didn't dodge the intersection by Walgreens on purpose as I usually do. Instead, I talked myself into quietly sitting...creeping along...and enjoying some quiet time. SO AGAINST MY NATURE! But, I've been trying to enjoy life along the way rather than running from one thing to another. Granted, it is easier for me right now since it's summertime. It is my goal to continue this in the fall. However....I STILL want to be on time and don't see anything wrong with that. It's just the other stuff that gets in the way with my attitude. Thanks for sharing, Heather.
ReplyDeleteI agree that being on time shouldn't control your life, but I do appreciate you being on time! When people are constantly late, it shows a lack of concern for others around them and a general laziness. So, just for the record, I am thankful for that part of you! Just don't let it get out of hand. :)
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